First semester

So I've had a rough start to medical school. This is the first semester. As I was killing out my paperwork and getting my titers checked, it turned out that I had latent tuberculosis which required immediate treatment. They suspected it was active within the past few years, but we don't know when as all the prior tests were negative. Rifampin turned all my bodily fluids bright red. Two days before I started (end of July), I had my identity stolen. I don't know who would want my identity. Computer 1 did not meet TCS's standards (too new), so I had to buy computer 2. My first quiz, I failed. That would be likely because it was biochemistry which was never offered at my level at any of the six colleges/universities I attended. Plus adjusting to medical school. That day, I broke printer 1 which was old and could not handle the amount of material I was throwing at it. I bought a printer for $800 which broke within 24 hours. It was fixed, then broke again within 24 hours. HP started to send a replacement. The next day I was sexually assaulted, a few hours later I had my house robbed with all of my electronics minus the broken printer (but including computer 2) stolen. My notes that were printer off were all destroyed. I was lent some computers which never were fulling functional. A few days later on Friday, my car was broken into, my badge broke, and I was started on Paxil for PTSD. Then, the following day, someone tried to break in at 5 am on Saturday, but my mezuzah fell and scared them off, which was the day my security system was to be set up and computer 4 arrived. I know I was being a horrible Jew and violating Shabbat but otherwise it was not going to be able to be set up. I then failed the second quiz because I had no notes for anything that was on it because I was not emotionally there. My fourth computer broke during the middle of my final examination in which I required 10 more points in order to pass the entire module. Needless to say, didn't make it. I ordered number five that day. The assault, the robberies, the attempted robbery, the fact my identity was stolen twice (once due to a data breach), I am on computer 5 and printer 3, the fact I failed biochem and am failing TMSK, I've had false professionalism charges against me all from one staff member who was even talking about me at a conference, I am having major memory problems from a medication side effect for my PTSD, I still have side effects from my Rifampin (had TB last year), my husband is in NH sick, my grandmother is dying, and my other grandmother thinks she might have cancer again. I don't sleep, I barely eat, and I have yet to do anything with my class because everything is on Friday night or Saturday which is my Sabbath. I could not even go to white coat. I've made two friends in the entire class but I am apparently not good enough to study with so I am still studying alone. Studying at all is hard because I have no memory. Of course because my grades are down the two things I enjoy the most are restricted to me: work at Equality Clinic and research. I consider those things my reason for being. Oh and to top it off my second ID holder broke this morning as I was walking in the door. Saturday, I was enormously upset that I couldn't go to White Coat. I had been waiting for it for 5 years. Mom claimed work issues. My Dad (who is retired and lives only a few hours from here) said it was too far to drive. One grandmother doesn't know who I am (90 years old and has dementia and never learned how to drive). The other grandmother first told me she wasn't going to come because of people claiming I have professional issues and then two days later told me her doctor restricted her from travel due to something they suspect. My mentor was going to come, but he is medical director for Gay Pride which was this weekend (I rode on the grand marshall's float!) Thus, since I can't drive on Shabbat, I had no way of getting there. My Facebook feed was filled with photos and I just started unfollowing everyone because I didn't want to see it. It is incredibly difficult to be an observant Jew around here. As if the black cloud surrounding the burglary and such was not enough. That was literally right in the middle of trying to get the theoretical friendships that were supposed to last throughout all of medical school. Of course, with all the restrictions make it so I end up not being able to eat anywhere or do anything with my class so I have few people who will talk to me much less study with me. I really feel alone. I just picked up my white coat. There were about a half dozen of them for people who didn't make it. I don't even know why I bothered if I can be honest. My exam grade for TMSK was literally the lowest grade I've had in all of medical school and that includes all the biochem quizzes. I actually asked myself how on earth it was possible to get lower than the scores I scored in biochem. For the record, I did manage to memorize a fair amount of the biochemistry and various cycles, but it did not seem to help. The studying were with using the resources and techniques that Dr Rossi suggested and using them in good faith even though I wasn't so sure of them. I also dislocated my knee and because I had to walk, I fell and landed bending both of my wrists waaaaay back My neurologist, who I love so much, decided I had PTSD from the assault/robbery and gave me Paxil. The Paxil caused me to have real issues with my memory taking forever to get anything into long term. As a matter of fact part of my long term started to fail as I was asked what should have been a very straightforward halacha question, I wasn't able to answer. I take private Hebrew instruction one hour a week (no homework)... I consider it a date with HaShem and the rabbi has commented about how bad my memory is now. I am on lesson 20, I could not answer a lesson 2 question. Although I suppose it could not have been too bad as one time I answered him in Yiddish. My doctor took a very long time before he admitted that it could be the Paxil, but he is still suspecting a vitamin deficiency which keep coming back as inconclusive. Needless to say, I WISH I had the CMBM grade right now because the TMSK grade is significantly worse. Some of the TMSK tutoring was on Shabbat and I couldn't even attend the Histology review which apparently is considered vital because it was running on Shabbat and while I could have gone there, I really would not have wanted to walk home to Harrisburg after sundown. Not like I really should have because I was trying to get to a funeral. The neurologist decided only to change the medication (new med) on Friday and now I get new side effects. Our last appointment was 1.5 hours of just a history. Just the history! I normally question everything that my doctors give me because I am that type of person. (I am a horrible patient! I challenge everything!) I didn't challenge him for the Paxil, I must have been feeling really bad if I didn't, I should have. I told a friend about the Paxil, and he said it should have been listed as contraindictions "Medical Student." When I met with Dean Bauza/Dr Edmonson privately, I was told that there were professional problems with me. None of which I knew of or about, but I found out where they were coming from through some investigation. All signs point to one specific staff member who had told me that I didn't belong in medical school. I spoke to Ms Baker over on Summerville about everything that went on and once I said I almost felt like I should get a lawyer to find out what I am being charged with, all of a sudden they disappeared... including a third one when someone said something about me on a specific day I was not present. I wasn't present because I was at shul! It was Rosh Hashanah. I have 1500+ people, including four clergy, who can attest to where I was. In fact, I was sitting two down from the retired rabbi who used to give me private halacha lessons because I was more advanced than his other class so it was better to just deal with me at my pace. I wasn't given the TMSK tutor that Dean Bauza said I was supposed to get at the beginning of the module, and it wasn't given to me until I think last Wednesday. Also my paternal grandmother is dying and my maternal grandmother is having a cancer scare. The latter is also insisting on asking me medical questions which I obviously can't answer. I have accepted I pretty much can't pass the module, I am terrified of going before promotions committee to explain myself as I now have the worst case of Impostor Syndrome. All my rabbis are like HaShem gave you an acceptance for a reason, you will get through it even if you fail a year, but the idea of it is making me worried.